juggling a house, a gym, a husband, and 2 sons. trying to be a chef, a potty trainer, a pacifier, a maid, a supporter, a counselor, and more. i've seemed to have lost my focus... again. so thank God for forgiveness. because i have not tried to do the most important job, spend daily time with Him. my prayers are there but the sincerity isn't because of a sense of being rushed. it's like putting God on my to do list.. only He isn't at the top, He's in the if i find time category.
once again my priorities have been twisted. i know i was also called to motherhood and being a good wife so by doing the things listed above i am honoring the Lord and being obedient to His word but if you aren't going forward then you're going backwards. so that's where i am today. not even at a standstill. i've become so intrigued with making sure my house is clean and the kids are fed and my husband has a hot meal that i've put You in the back seat.
i realize i will accomplish so much more spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically if i could just stop what i'm doing and focus on You. so why can't i just do that. i suppose there is a little fear there that if i do actually stop for 10 minutes that someone will start to cry or scream or wake up or be hungry and i'll have not completed my task. which is another downfall of mine. trying to be a perfectionist. if it can't be finished then don't even bother to begin.
so now i must retrain my thinking and my ways and get my rear back into gear because my way of course is not working out. so let's try again Lord. here i am.. help my Holy Spirit to focus. i'm ready!
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