imperfections.

i have many days where i think to myself, God, You must be so disappointed in me. You must think that i'm such a mess, such a wreck, selfish, mean, rude, judgemental, hateful and the list goes on. how can i be used when i am full of so much junk? i realize i cannot be perfect, but i always like to get close. i wanna be that super wife and super mom and super woman of God. i want to cook the best meals and have a super clean house and super clean car. i want to not eat those hostess snacks...maybe... i want to have a great percentage of body fat... i want to read my Bible through every year on the exact day i should be....

then i come back to reality and know that i can't be perfect nor come close to it. only one man was perfect, Jesus. then i read back through the old testament and see how much sin and drama other's had. like david, he slept with uriah's wife then had him killed.(2 sam 10) how terrible! i know all sin is the same in God's eyes, but my goodness. we do have earthly consequences too.. and oh poor moses... wandered in the wilderness for 40 years on a trip that should have only taken 11 days!!! he gets to the jordan and God forbids him to cross over because of his sin.(num 20:6-13) when i fist learned of this i thought, Lord... really? why God...? then i learned that moses hit the rock twice rather than speaking to it, and the rock was a type of Jesus. so then i realized it was as though he smacked Jesus across the face. wow! and poor noah... gets raped by his own son.(gen 9:20-25) my goodness! i used to think, man, they did weird stuff like that all those years ago, but it's the same devil so of course!

the bottom line is we are all sinners saved by grace. which i know very well... my works will not get me to heaven, but i will be rewarded for them. so i just needed to write this to myself as a reminder that whenever i begin to beat myself up for not being perfect, for not spending enough time with You, that i just need to pick myself up, repent and start over.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (message bible)

My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness.