lately i haven't been able to sleep very well. i stay up to read because that's more productive than laying in the dark. what is bothering me so bad that i just wont fall asleep?? could it be that i don't have a name for this little one whom i can finally fell kick? is it because i'm not working anymore and feel powerless in helping my husband pay bills?? am i just being worried about something? i don't know but my mind is going 100 miles per hour and i can't even tell you what i'm thinking about. i'm clueless.
normally as i lay my head on my pillow and hit the light i give a prayer of thanksgiving for all of our blessings and usually fall asleep before i finish my prayer (i know i should be in a different room with lighting) but now i feel like i pray forever and can't stop because there is so much to pray for and so many people who need prayer.
as i write this i suppose i just need to take out some extra time while z is taking a nap and go through my list of things or people to pray for, maybe ill sleep better then. or could it also be because we have some projects that we haven't even began on the house and i'm just dying to begin?? i do think a lot about how i want to landscape and how i would like the basement to be... a few weeks ago i couldn't stop day dreaming about a new car for us but i finally left that at the foot of the cross because i felt as though it was becoming an idol. maybe i need to let go of my strong desires for a little bit since time and money aren't available just yet. or maybe i can't sleep because i don't know how i want to decorate z's new bedroom??
my goodness i just need to grab a piece of paper and a pen and begin to write all of these things down. my mind is just a mess right now... grrh
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